First & Most

It is not uncommon or perhaps even unreasonable for a parent to believe that they love their child the absolute most and that there is nobody else who could love them as much as they do. While that may not seem like an unreasonable sentiment to express, it is important, as followers of Jesus, that we take a sobering moment to remember that God loved them first, and He loves them the most.

We were walking together as a family once, and my four kids were walking ahead of me. They were being ridiculous. Laughing, jumping on one another’s backs, and repeatedly almost falling over. Walking just behind this debacle, I found my eyes a bit teary and my heart full. In that moment, I just loved them all so much and found myself overwhelmed with gratitude that “this circus” and “these monkeys” were indeed mine. I have experienced many moments like this over the years—ones where I am observing my kids and my breath is taken away. It is often in little, unexpected moments where I’m watching them do something simple or silly that I find my heart bursting. In those moments I would certainly claim that no one could possibly feel more love for them than I do.

Scripture reminds us however, that before the foundation of the world, God chose them (Eph. 1:4). He saw every day of their lives before they came to be. He knit them together in their mother’s (in my) womb (Psalm 139:13), and when they were born, He knew every hair on their head (Luke 12:7). Like Jeremiah, before they were formed in the womb, they were called (Jer. 1:5). Before you dreamed of them, before you planned, before you hoped and wondered and wanted, before it all, they were His. God loved them first.

We often struggle to understand just how much God loves us, and so it follows that we cannot comprehend exactly how He loves our children. He loves them with a depth and a breadth, an omnipotence and an unconditionality that we can try to understand, but we certainly will never achieve. He loves our children so much that He would bear the cross for them. So, no matter how much we love them, He loves them the most.

Over the years I have often found myself sitting quietly, watching my children be themselves, doing everyday things. I notice the way they change expression, the sound of their laugh, or how they fight sadness and fear in moments that call for bravery. I want to know them, to know they are doing well on the other side of what I can see. Sometimes I wonder if I have done enough or been enough and to be honest there are times when I watch, desperate to be all they need, aching to support them, and I am always left wanting.

When I first became a parent I experienced the familiar pressure of being a 'good mom'. As more children came I wanted to be there and meet every need, which I suppose is natural. I longed to help them become academically sound, emotionally and spiritually mature, to guide them through relational drama, to keep them safe, and to offer support in both success and failure. Mostly perhaps, for them to know that I meant it every night when I said 'I love you No. Matter. What." While many of these desires have merit, it still never felt like enough.

This is why, as we navigate the parenting journey, it’s important and helpful to remember that God loves our children most and loved them first. Parenting is first and foremost an act of stewardship. It is easy for us to take ownership of our children—they are, after all, ours. That reality, however, only exists because the almighty God of the universe, who is sovereign over all things, somehow determined in His will that we should be.

When I had my first child, it became painstakingly evident to me that I was massively ill-equipped to be a parent. Yet somehow, in His wisdom, despite all my failures, all my faults, and all the mistakes He knew I would make, God decided that for as long as He determines, I would have the privilege of loving and caring for His children that He has placed in my care. I am convinced that as long as I live I will never understand why, but I will also try to never take this privilege for granted. Parenting is a humbling experience.

Considering parenting as an act of stewardship is an interesting concept because it both relaxes your responsibility as a parent and heaps it on all at the same time. It releases us from the responsibility of needing to be perfect or to feel like we need to get everything right. It allows space for us to feel like we are not enough and that we cannot do it. Our load is lighter in these areas because the Lord knows. When He called us to the privileged place of parenting He already knew our limitations. He already knew what we’re incapable of and how we would mess up - but He called us anyway because like Moses, like David, like Peter and so many others - He does not call the qualified He qualifies the called.

I assure you that parenting your children, loving them well and trying to “get it right” will without fail cause you to rely on God and lean on Him. This is not weakness, this is faith. God wants us to need Him, to seek Him, to trust Him and to come to Him often when raising our kids. I do not believe that He expects us to know everything or get it all right - instead He wants us to come to Him and pray for our children in petition for them at the foot of the cross.

I have a friend that the Lord brought into my life as an adult. I didn’t meet her until my kids were already in double digits. This beautiful woman taught me what it meant to contend on my knees for my children. I’ve always prayed for my children, but she taught me what it was to fight for them on holy battlefields. She showed me what it meant to stand firm, to fast for, and to cry out to the Lord as she lifted her daughters up to Him saying Lord they are yours and I cannot do this alone. She showed me this but also asked me to get on my knees in prayer and fasting for her girls, and returned the favour for my own.

The Lord is not looking for your perfection in parenting; He is looking to be a co-laborer with you. He is looking for your obedience. He’s looking for your faithfulness. He is asking you to look upon your children and not ask, “How do I get this right?” He is asking instead if you can do what is truly the most important thing—show them Jesus. Parents have an incredible and unique opportunity to introduce our children back to their Heavenly Father—this is where the weight of responsibility in your calling comes in.

My perspective on parenting changed forever in the still, quiet moments over passing years where God revealed something that made all the difference in my life. God showed me over and over that they are His children, and that the only goal for me to have that really matters is to introduce them to Jesus. This is the purpose of every parent—their kingdom-focused purpose. This means everything I do—the simple, the painful, the frustrating, the frivolous and fun, and even the mundane—can have the same beautiful purpose: to offer motherhood as a ministry in a way that allows God to work in and through me so that my children may know Him.

At the end of my days, of all the things I have been and all the things I have done, I want to be able to say that I walked with Jesus and helped my children find their way to Him. We cannot point them toward a Saviour we are not following. We cannot teach them to trust God if we are unwilling to trust Him with our own lives. The most important thing we can do for our children is not to create the perfect home, make all the right decisions, or protect them from every hardship. It is to know Jesus ourselves and to let them see what it looks like to follow Him. They need to see that the faith of their parents is not something they believe, but something they live.

So, walk with Jesus, keep your eyes on Him and step into your role as parent knowing that you are not alone, but are supported by the God who loves them first and most and wants them to come home.

Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:4, Psalm 139:13, Luke 12:7